AISEP Photos

Hey all!

I just receive my photos from one of the AISEP members. Displaying them now...

These are taken during our first night's dinner:












"Photo Time!" "No photo PLEASSSEEE!"

The first night that we play Shogi...


Only one person is interested in playing Shogi?

"Let's have a match! Right here right now!"

Second day of Presentation:


"We must conquer the land of Beijing with only Shogi pieces to make our enemy fear us!"


"Um... yea. After the war you all can keep all the candy while I keep all the money."


If I receive more photos from the other members of AISEP I'll be sure to post it up! Laters!

Regards,
Ryou Takehito

Back in Malaysia! (End of AISEP or Beijing)

Hi everyone!

Sorry that I didn't update regularly during my stay in Beijing. This is because I thought I get to use the internet in the hotel. And also I didn't know that the camera I've borrowed from my relative could only take 12 photos! So I didn't take too many photos!   =(   *Ahem* Anyways are you ready for a very lengthy talk about Shogi? Here goes!

FIRST DAY OF AISEP
On the first day of AISEP, I have to get up around 4.45am so I can took a cab ride at 6.00am. Reached airport around 7am and check myself in. I found myself reaching the airport too early so I've decided to take a few photos about the cool architecture I've seen...





I personally think it's cool that the steel bars are used to surround the trees. Anyways by the time I'm done fascinating at these great architecture it's finally time for me to board my airplane. BTW, look at this very cool TV!



It takes about 6 hours to fly to Beijing from Malaysia. So basically to waste all those 6 hours, I spend the first few hours sleeping. Couldn't get a comfortable sleep I've decided to watch the movie that they aired in the airplane. "Jumper", eventhough I've watched the movie twice I've decided to watched it again to kill the boredom. Thank god the movie last two hours so else I could have start screaming boredom in the airplane like a mad chicken.

Beijing International Airport is weird. After the airplane had landed, it actually circle around the tracks for about 15min! I mean I want to get off the airplane already! Stop driving around the tracks you dumb airplane! Right, as soon as I get off the airplane I actually found someone holding a sign written "AISEP" as I walked past the entrance to retrieve my luggage. I actually giggled because it looked a little silly holding the sign standing there. Without wasting any time I quickly retrieve my luggage and approach the man holding the sign.

He is Stephen, a Beijing guy who can actually speak Japanese! When I first approach me he actually speak English to me. Seeing that he has a lot of difficulty speaking English, I told him he could speak Chinese but he still continue to speak English anyway. ^^

By talking to Stephen, I found out that I was the last person from AISEP who landed in Beijing! We quickly catch a cab and proceed to our destination. It takes about 45 min to reach JingLun Hotel. And can you imagine that there is a traffic jams on the airport highway? And we Malaysians always complain that our traffic jams are terrible. Looks like Beijing bests us.

I found that the architecture in Beijing are really amazing! I wished I could have taken more photos about it! (I couldn't because I can only take 12 photos, remember?) Then we reached JingLun Hotel, drop my stuffs and luggage in the room bla bla bla and then walked to the Japan Foundation to begin our introduction among ourselves.

BTW, this is the photo I've taken before the presentation started. This is the view taken from inside of Japan Foundation...



Great architecture, isn't it? And this is the internal view of Japan Foundation...



Everyone is just chilling out till the presentation could begin. It's really great that there are about 20 people joining AISEP. Let's see.. um... ten Japanese, one Singaporean, one Malaysian (that's me, duh!), one French, one Hong Kong and six Beijing. Wait... maybe I counted wrongly. Nevermind. Presentation went smooth and well and then when everything's done we're off to dinner!



YUM! YUM! Doesn't it look delicious? I hate to admit it but I personally did not enjoy my dinner. Why? Because I'm very picky about food and all these food have some sort of strange taste. But I'm very sure the rest of the people enjoy their dinner alot.



And the ones behind this AISEP guy...



Yup, like I said, there's around 20 people so we occupied two long tables for dinner!



Kazuki and Chen (not sure of the real name) . Kazuki is actually a very cool and cute guy. I bet that a lot of girls would probably go after him. LOL. As for Chen, I think he has been playing Shogi ever since he was seven. But I've never played a game against him so I don't really know how strong he is. Hmm...

After the dinner we went back to the hotel and it's SHOGI TIME! WOOPEE DOO! I actually have four games that night. against Japanese. All I could say is they're really really strong! Obviously they're strong, they're about three or four dan! And I'm even playing against the female amateur Meijin! They sure did beat the crap out of me! And we kept playing Shogi until 3am and we have to wake up at 6.30am...

SECOND DAY OF AISEP
Woke up at 6.30am, bath, eat breakfast in the hotel's restaurant and then we went back to Japan Foundation to do a presentation about Shogi in our own country. Well, they expected me to talk about Shogi in Malaysia and since Shogi is not very well known in Malaysia so I've decided to talk about my encounter with Shogi. I don't think I'm going to mention it again because it's going to be super lengthy if I did. I've already mention about my first encounter with Shogi in my previous journal anyway. =P  Then when noon arrives we took a bus and went to a restaurant called "WAHAHA". Yes, I don't know how Chinese could get more and more creative with names. But I have to say that their food was fantastic! I sure help myself to the food alot! After filling our stomach to it's fullest, we once again took a bus and went somewhere near the Olympic Stadium!



Gorgeous isn't it? And a few pictures taken around the Olympic Stadium...





This is a very weird building. Nevertheless a few group photos...











After a few good shots near Olympic Stadium our next destination is Yuan Tan Park to see a bunch of old men playing Xianqi, cards and even Go! Everyone in AISEP is highly interested in them playing Chinese Chess, while I personally find Xianqi boring. So instead I went and have a look at them playing Go. It was quite fun looking at people playing Go. After half an hour later it's time to meet our legendary man -



It's Mr. Habu Yoshiharu! One of the strongest Shogi player in the world and have magnificent strategies up his sleeve! He actually have a small tour around the chess institute. Here's more photos of him:



This picture is a little blur...







It was truly a dream come true to see him AND....



My photo taken with him! OH MY GOD! I sound just like a fangirl. EEEKKKK! He looks so cute and handsome. LOL. After some few photo shoots with Mr. Habu we return back to our hotel for a grand party!

We actually have a lot of Japanese guests at our party and this party was to commemorate the success of AISEP and we have to dress very formal for a very high class party. Here's a picture of me and my friends...



After having my dinner, I once again approach Habu and...



let him signed on my Shogi board! WOOHOO! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! After that we actually get to have a small talk session with Mr. Habu! =D

Below are some questions that I have personally asked Mr. Habu:
Me: Why do you want to become a professional Shogi player and what motivates you to continue playing Shogi?
Habu: Well, I started playing Shogi when I was a little kid and because I love Shogi a lot and without giving too much thoughts and consideration I just became a professional Shogi player by the time I have realised it. So what motivates me to continue playing Shogi is I'm looking forward to see new kinds of tactics or strategies I would discover during my title match. That itself could motivates me to continue playing Shogi alot.
Me: Instead of dreaming to become a professional Shogi player, is there any other dreams that you have ever thought of?
Habu: Well, we all have different sorts of dreams. But if you're talking about recently, about six or seven years ago I've dreamt of becoming a baseball player.
Me: So do you have any dreams that you hope to achieve in the future?
Habu: Well, when I was around 17 years old I was playing against a 60's year old Shogi player. Normally we, as professional players, have to take up some time to make our next move however he could just instantly play a move with accuracy and strength. He doesn't need to waste any time at all to think of how to response to my move. So I really do hope I can achieve capabilities like his in the future which I don't need to waste any time for my next move.

I'm sure I asked more but I couldn't remember. Anyways one more photo taken with him:



Again a photo shoot with him and his weird but cute smile. Awww...

Finally we have a group photo shoot and once again we return back to our rooms only to play Shogi throughout the night again till 3.30am! EHEHEHEHE!

PS: BTW, Beijing roasted duck is FULL OF WIN!

THIRD DAY OF AISEP
Woke up at 6.30am, bath, eat breakfast in the hotel's bla bla bla but this time we have to go to Japan Foundation and set up the chairs for an interview with Mr. Habu. Here's the link about Mr. Habu's talk. You can actually see me in there! ^^  Just click on the button/words just right below the picture.

http://www3.nhk.or.jp/news/k10014965821000.html#

After a few hours of talk from Mr. Habu, we clean up the place, eat our bento lunch and prepare for our final presentation about why chess is interesting. After the presentation and everything we went to a restaurant to celebrate our great success. We have tons of fun and games to play. Kazuki is really great person to lead us to play games together. Without him, we would probably be a bunch of quiet people keeping to ourselves. He's a really great guy. As our last night, do I have to say more? We proceed to play Shogi of course! But this time I did not sleep. We even did some present exchanges.

END OF AISEP
Because Erwann, the french guy who was 1-Dan, couldn't speak chinese and he have a flight around the same time as me, I was asked to guide him to the airport. Before leaving the hotel we give our thanks and gratitude to Mr. Kazuma, the host of this event and left for the airport. We have a lot of chat together and once we check ourselves into the airport I had one last Shogi against one of the members of AISEP - Erwann. I mean he's 1-Dan! How can I possibly defeat him and to make things worst we're not playing handicapped games! But it's alright, I said to myself, all I have to do is try my best. From my experience, the reason for most of my losses is because I'm not very strong in joseki (openings) or how to tackle them so I have decided to destroy his joseki and bring us into unknown territory.Without basic joseki, we have to use our mind to think of good strategic way of defeating each other. I'm very sure I could have lose to him until he exchange his rook with my gold. I even landed a lucky chance to place my bishop into his territory so I can instantly promote my Bishop to a Horse. Eventhough I have a lot of advantages in my hand but it's going to take a lot of luck to strike into his base. So I have decided to wait for him to make a mistake. Since we're playing an unknown opening, it's very hard to decide how to advance our attack. I didn't advance my attack because I don't know how so I just sit back and wait. At the same time I'm very cautious how I should move my piece so my base wouldn't be a weak spot for a rook drop from his hands. Finally he made a mistake and I proceed to checkmate him. It's just me being lucky I guess. So my results of playing Shogi during my stay in Beijing is 1 win and 7 losses? Finally we shook hands with each other and I promise him that someday we'll have a battle against each other in international tournaments.

Because I didn't have any good sleep, I slept through my flight and when I do reach home I actually slept for 18 hours! There you have it. My report on AISEP.

Presents
Below are some of the presents I've received from the members of AISEP...





A calligraphy and a fan from a 7-Dan professional Shogi player. I think I'll cherish the fan alot and will use it when playing Shogi against someone.



A magnetic Chinese Chess from a rather cute and nice lady. Thanks for the prezzie!





Two Shogi magazines given by those kind and nice Japanese people!



A Tsume Shogi book (Mating problems) given by a very very cute Japanese girl. She said that her father was actually the one who wrote Shogi Paradise (the name of this book). Thank you very much!



A magnetic Shogi set given by another cute and beautiful Japanese girl. Thanks to her I don't have to go through the trouble looking for magnetic Shogi set. Now I can play Shogi everywhere! WAHAHAA! THANKS ALOT FOR THIS SET!

Lastly my most prize possession....



A very expensive Shogi pieces given by Mr. Kazuma! If I'm not mistaken this actually cost more than US$100? Anyways it's a really really REALLY good Shogi pieces. I'm going to treasure it alot and hope I won't use it unless for competition. Best present receive ever. I did reject accepting this gift from Mr. Kazuma but he still insist giving it to me. Thanks alot Kazuma! *Huggles Kazuma* Kore wa saiko! saiko = greatest.

After AISEP?
So what am I going to do for the rest of the holidays? Well, the usual. Playing Shogi throughout the night and hope I can achieve 1-Dan in less than half a year. And just now I was asked to promote Shogi on 27th July from Japan Club. I do hope more local Malaysians will be interested in playing Shogi after the Japan Fair on 27th July. I'm also thinking of contacting Japan Shogi Association regarding about the Shogi lessons that they have in Malaysia. For the time being I'm just chilling out and relax!

Anyways I would like to say a few words to all the members of AISEP:
Thanks for all the things and stuffs you have done! I'm really really glad I have met everyone in Beijing. You all are the best! I hope I can get to see you all again next year or sometime later in the future! Anyways I wish you all good luck in life and may angels watch over you while you're lonely or sad! Once again thanks for everything!


Regards,
Ryou Takehito


PS: I'll post more photos about my journey in AISEP as I receive photos from other members of AISEP so look forward to it!

SURPRISE!

Posting another great video/music. Yes, the song will sound a little absurd but I always love the lead singer's way of dressing. Be sure to turn your volume louder because it's hard to hear the beginning part of the video. Are you surprised at my music taste and outfits? =D Be sure to leave a few comments here (not on YouTube) about what you think about this song! =D

Pack and ready to go!

Hey all!

Tomorrow's finally the big day! Because of this I've decided to let you know what I have done today! Well, actually I didn't do anything much but at least I've finished up one of my presentations! Took me the whole day to do it too! I even got most of my stuff pack!



Don't mind about my messy room. I've only done packing my clothes but not my other stuffs. And I just finish my presentation at that time. And guess what I had for dinner?



...you guessed it! It's Mc Donalds! LOL! One grilled chicken foldover large meal and a Mc Flurry Oreo. YUM YUM! It's going to be my last food in Malaysia before departing for Beijing.



And this is after I've got everything packed except my shampoo. No, I'm not going to bring the box to Beijing! What do you think I'm going to Beijing for? Exporting a box full of drugs? Oops, looks like the secret has been uncovered. =X   Red Luggage for my clothes, the Nike bag for my traveling or shopping and my laptop bag. Now you might be thinking why I haven't pack my laptop. You silly old goat, I still need to use it so I can upload my photos from my camera and write my journal!

Anyways I'm really really REALLY glad that everything went smooth and fine. Now I just have to chill back, relax and wait for my transport tomorrow. My dream of meeting Habu is getting closer and closer. Well, six hours left till my transport arrives, I think I better start getting some sleep. Oh, I will be reporting my stay in Beijing everyday so look out for it! I'll be very sure to take plenty of photos!

Regards,
Ryou Takehito the happy bastard who ought to be shoot down by a gun

Two Days Left!

till I left for Beijing!

Since it's two days before AISEP (Asian Intellectual Shogi Exchange Program), today I receive a very shocking e-mail from the host. I was asked to do three different kinds of presentation in two days! Oh my god! Aside from those I actually spent the whole day helping out my dad with his "Puja Events". Since I'm so good in Maths let's do a little Maths, shall we? =)

Since I just receive the e-mail and have to finish the presentation in 2 days the equation is:

Three presentations + finish in two days = trouble

And then plus that I helped out my dad today...

three presentation + finish in two days + help out dad (wasted one day) = deep trouble

And the time right now is 10pm...

three presentations + finish in two days + help out dad the whole day + 10pm right now = super deep trouble

To make things worst, I'm a little clueless about what I'm suppose to write for my topics so...

three presentations + finish in two days + help out dad the whole day + 10pm right now + clueless about topic = SUPER DUPER MEGA HOLYCR*P SH*T TROUBLE! NOOOOOO!

I wish the host could have send me the topic earlier rather than now. *sigh* I'm actually doing the presentation right now while crying. I wish I could have shown you my face right now. LOL (but why am I wasting time writing this journal?).

Anyways back to doing my presentation *cries* See you next time.

Regards,
Ryou Takehito the crying bastard

EAT THIS, SPEAR!

Eventhough it's only level 1 AI, but I beat it with ease. I hope to improve more in the future.

PS

This is a f'ckin amazing song and video ever!

Goodbye my holiday =(

Sup all?

So why am I saying goodbye to my holiday that has only just begin? Well, my mom wants me to work part-time to help her friend by making a presentation for him and I hate making presentations. I'm not the one presenting of course. I understand that my mom wants me to work part-time in Malaysia but doing a presentation? I prefer doing jobs like office work which will be a good experience for my future career but a presentation instead? I hate doing presentations, especially the bunch of presentations I've done for this semester. Not that I dislike doing presentations alot, it's just that I want to relax myself after doing a bunch of stupid and hectic presentations for Technical English 2, which have gave me a lot of problems and troubles. Stupid TE2 lecturer. =) That is why I want to refrain myself from touching anything to do with presentation for this holiday so I can give myself the energy to do some again for my next semester, if I'm require to. But anyways looks like I'm damn to do presentation for this holiday. And there's no pay too! It's all for charity work. *sigh* I wish I could turn those times to play Shogi instead.

Anyways below are the list of stuffs that I'm going to do during my stay in Beijing. The longer the arrow means the higher the priority of the stuff that I want to do. So let's begin now. =)

--------------------->go eat good food and desserts! Yum!
-----> buy a musical keyboard for my little sister.
--------------------------------------------------> buy a magnetic Shogi set and probably a new Shogi set.
---------------->buy a birthday gift for Grandma.
------------------------------------------------------------------------>let Habu sign my Shogi board and take photos with him.
------------------------------->Eat at Quanjude. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quanjude
----------->buy 'Go' books for my friend.
--> play Shogi with someone else throughout the night.
---------------------------------------> send a postcard to my little sister.


This is the list of stuffs that I think of, for now. Hope I can think of more stuffs I can do while I'm in Beijing! WOO! Anyways see you all next week. I'll try to find time to write my story as possible as I can! Cheers!

Regards,
Ryou Takehito

Holidays!

Hey all,

IT'S FINALLY HOLIDAYS! And for this journal I will be showing a lot of pictures that I've promised in the past!

The first picture I'm going to proudly show is the present that my friends bought for me last month for my birthday.



Yes, it is all in Japanese! I don't know what my friends are thinking, buying a Japanese-language Shogi book for me. I can't understand a thing at all! But thank god I managed to understand the kifu (kifu - the moves in the game) and it only took me 4 hrs to finish this book! Definitely the best present I've receive for this year. Thank you my dear best friends!



This is the second Tsume Shogi book (Mating Solving problems) book I've bought in Kinokuniya, eventhough I didn't finish the first one. It is very tough but useful. The other day I was in Kinokuniya reading another tsume shogi book and inside it there's a little small test to determine your strength. I tried it out and found out I was at least 7 kyu. I'm not really sure whether I'm this strong or not but I prefer ranking myself as 9 kyu. I want to be a powerful 1-Dan Shogi Player afterall. What's the point of giving myself the 1-Dan title if I don't even have that strength? Speaking of strength it's almost been a year playing Shogi and I still achieve 1-Dan! Uh oh. Looks like my dream of becoming a Professional Shogi player is still faraway...

Speaking of Kinokuniya I've made a special order....


I know the picture's a little blur but I've made a special subscription for a magazine called "Shogi Sekai" (Shogi World), which was only sold in the bookstores in Japan! It only cost RM40! It was cheap! This way I'll be more notify about Shogi events! WOOOHOOO! I just can't wait for the order to arrive on this incoming July! I hope you can see carefully I've made order for the June issue. Can't wait to read it soon! ^^

Lastly for the last pictures...



This is the Shogi board that I've mentioned months ago that I purchase from UK. And this will be the board that I'm going to let Habu-san signed when I go to Beijing at the end of this month! WOOHOO!

I think that's all. I've got my China visa done and air-tickets purchased, which means it's already confirm that I'll be going to Beijing to participate AISEP (Asian Intellectual Shogi Exchange Program). All things are going well and smooth for me. For this holiday, I'll be spending the whole day playing Shogi and I might probably write a story if I feel like it. =)

BTW, I will be going back to Brunei again next month. Hope you all enjoy your days!

Regards,
Ryou Takehito


PS: Looks like I talked too much about Shogi for this journal again.

BEIJING HERE I COME! (AISEP Part 2)

Hey all!

I finally get to go to Beijing to participate AISEP! WOOHOO! I can't my mom just agree to let me go! I'm SO SO SO SO SOOOOOO HAPPY! You just can't believe how many troubles I have to get through just to get myself to join this event.

First is convincing my mom. I have to lie to her that I was invited to join this event but the lie eventually became real. I spend considerable amount of time to gather all the informations by going to embassy of china and various places just to prove to her it's real.

Just when she was going to agree I had a car accident.  She immediately change her mind of not letting me go. I completely lose my hope of going to Beijing  It was my fault for getting the car banged and it should be a punishment for me not to go to Beijing. But I didn't give up. I continue to ask her, convince her and told her that she only needs to pay the air ticket expenses. She still hesitate to let me go but in the end she gave in. Now all I have to do is get my Visa done, buy the air ticket on Monday and then off I go!

Habu Beijing Here I come!

Hope to see you all real soon again!

Regards,
Ryou Takehito

AISEP (Shogi) Here I Come!

Hey all!

Before I begin, I would like to say that AISEP means Asian Intercultural Shogi Exchange Program and yes it has something to do with Shogi!
Today I receive the following e-mail which have make me the happiest man on Earth:

Note: The e-mail content is quoted in BOLD

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Aya*, Omi*, Ryou, Ken* and Yohji*

*names are fictional and Ryou have been used as my name to cover up my real name.
 
Greetings from AISEP COMMITTEE (^-^)
 
AISEP will be safely held on the dates we once scheduled !!!
And, we are very glad that we can welcome you to AISEP.
 
Finally, the Chinese governmental institution for cultural exchanging have accepted to take a responsibility for this project.
Of course, Japan Foundation is greatly supporting us too.
 http://www.jpf.go.jp/e/index.html  (English)
 http://www.jpf.go.jp/cn/index.html (Chinese)
 
1) Flight Ticket
 
We will subsidize you ......* (Currently it's almost equal to USD.....*)
Could you buy the round-trip flight ticket by your self?

*Money is not disclose for privacy.
 
The date you arrive at Beijing should be 30th May or before,
and the date you depart from Beijing should be 2nd June or later.
 
If you have any question, please feel free to ask me.
 
2) Accomodation
 
We decided the place we stay together.
......Hotel*  this is one of the prestigious hotels in Beijing.
 
*Hotel's name is censored for privacy.
 
3) Pre-Research
 
We would like to ask you to do some pre-research.
The topic will be announced soon.
 
 
 
If you have any question, just ask me ASAP.
 
Kazuma Yamauchi
AISEP Tokyo Committee
http://www.aisep.net
info@aisep.net
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so so glad that I got chosen for AISEP event and I get to meet my most favourite Shogi player - Yoshiharu Habu! The first thing I'm going to do is buy a permanent marker, bring my shogi set to Beijing and let him sign on it! WOOHOO! I guess luck is on my side for being passionate about playing Shogi for the rest of my life.

Though this is a very exciting news for me but there might be a chance that I won't be able to participate. You see, recently I've gotten myself into a car accident and ever since then my mom was considering of not letting me go. But I really hope I can convince my mom to let me go no matter what. I really really want to see Habu-san no matter what. After this year I might not be able to see him again in my life. I truly hope my mom can understand this small wish of mine. Still this is once in a life time experience for me. I want to go there no matter what.

Anyways I'm currently busy with my exam and I hope to play Shogi the whole night again after the next Thursday. I can't wait to use the Shogi book that my friends have bought for me during my birthday! But the only thing is I can't understand what the book is saying since it's all in Japanese and I can't read Japanese! Nevertheless I'm going to crack my head and use the book if I want to further improve my tesuji and skills.

That's all for today. More journal updates after the exams!

Regards,
Ryou Takehito

Goodbye to my old love that have never existed in the first place

Hey all,

it's been a while. I have been very hectic with my assignments especially my Technical English 2. Even now I have to write a report for it and prepare for my final exams. I don't even have any time for myself to play Shogi at all! =/

However tonight's a little special so I've decided to write a blog entry. I just had a chat with my female childhood friend and it made me realise and clear most of my thoughts. But let's start from my childhood, shall we?

Since we're childhood friends, I started knowing about her when we're in primary one but we were never that close. I was a nobody back then, and just a kid who often gets pushed around by bullies and even teachers! It's not hard to notice her presence back then because she was exceptionally cute....and beautiful. Just like any guys most guys would probably be interested in her. With little self-confident when I was a kid, I rarely talked to her but at least we know each other by heart. I switched to another school when I was primary four because the bullying gets worser than my parents had imagined. I thought I won't be able to see her again because she was one of the few kids who were nice and kind to me eventhough I had a problematic attitude. Days go by slowly in my new school with my new friends and I was never that close with my friends because of various reasons but when I started my primary 5 she actually switched to my school and we were in the same class again! I was really amazed to see her again! That was the first time in my whole life that I gathered all of my courage and talk to her more - I was a shy person when it comes to talking to girls, even now (eventhough I may not look like it but if my friends are reading this please recall that I spend about 95% of my time with guys, not girls). I guess that's when we started becoming a proper friends. Most male kids during that age would tease their friend when guys and girls get together but it didn't bother me at all - I was pretty amazed about myself too! Thanks to her, that's when I probably learn how to power-boost my confidence and courage when facing challenges or problems throughout my life.

Then I started questioning myself - do I actually like her? Do I actually love her? However the questions come to a halt when I first learn that my first love is another girl called JJ (name is fictional). Since my friendship with my childhood friend is rather close (now naming her 'LSH'), I always thought of her as a sister whom I should protect with my life. As time goes by, our friendship starts to weaken - we were no longer as we are used to be. After the love rejection from JJ, whom I've confessed my love during my primary 6, I struggled for about 6 years trying to get her off my mind. I've tried various methods and one of the method is loving another girl. It was crazy for me back then to have my thoughts and feelings messed up by forcing myself to like other girls, including LSH. Again I had to question myself whether I really love LSH or not but those feelings were never real. In the end I was able to get my mind off JJ just by simply investing my time more on online games and my best friends during my secondary 5. It was hell. LSH and I were never as close as we used to be when we're kids. Nowadays even if I tried to have a talk with her it'll just end back as a blank conversation. Maybe because I'm a boring person, or maybe because we don't have anything common to talk about - I don't know. As time passed by LSH gradually become more and more beautiful than before, almost all the guys would drool over her. I would drool for her if I want to however my love for JJ was too strong that it had prevented me to get interested in LSH. To make things worse, it just makes me harder to have a talk with her since she's so beautiful and I'm just shying away about talking to girls.

After graduating from my highschool I went to West Malaysia to pursue my studies and during my time in Malaysia I've never fallen in love or get interested in any of the girls at all. Two years just passed by quietly between me and LSH without any personal life-talk or whatsoever. On my second year in Malaysia, one of my best friend CHY (name is fictional) came to Malaysia too for her studies. We sometimes would spend a day together to talk about our life or spend a great time together just simply having a tea. I've talked to CHY a few times about my friendship between LSH (not only her but my other friends as well) however one day CHY said this to me which have a great impact on me, "Ryou, I think you're in love with her." I was surprised. How is it possible for me to love a girl whom I have been treating as a sister to me all these times? I told CHY about my real feelings towards LSH but she said that deep down in my heart I actually do love her. Confused by her remark I reconsider my feelings once again - is that the real reason why I haven't been able to love any girls during my stay in Malaysia? I once again start questioning myself about my love for her. What I do know is my love for her is not that "extreme", unlike my love for JJ. You see, when I was in love with JJ, I spent most of my time thinking about her like if I'm going down the town will I be able to see her or if I stay in class will she be staying in class too. But never with LSH. However there is still a possibility that I might be in love with LSH.

The questionings continued until this year around March. It was a love at first sight for me when I met one of my juniors in my college. Hate to admit it eventhough she's not really that beautiful I was attracted by her personality. Then again it have finally made a conclusion between me and my feelings for LSH. Just now I just had a conversation with her to realise and confront my feelings towards her. After a short conversation I fully understood that I've never love her in the first place. However for some strange reason I feel depressed about it. I guess I feel a little sad about it because I think it would be a great thing for me if I have actually fallen in love with her. She's a great woman afterall. Maybe CHY is right.... or maybe she's wrong. Only time can tell, I guess. However I want to keep believing that LSH will always be a great friend to me - ALWAYS. And forever. Deep down in my heart I sincerely wish her for her happiness in life.

Well, I really do hope I can update my journal at least once per week again after my exams in May. Until then, I hope you all would take great care of yourself and always have an amazing time everyday. Cheers!

Regards,
Ryou Takehito

Beautiful Alone

Hi all,


today has been a rather dull and depressing day. To cheer myself up, I was driving unusually slow and listening to my favourite Japanese band "Weiß kreuz". Loneliness and darkness grew deeper than ever in my heart. My everyday life is always a darkness - never a light has shine upon it before. Even if I'm hanging out with my friends laughing and doing some stupid things, the light never appeared before me. I always wonder why I was I covered by the dark cloud. Is this my destiny? Why should my life be any different from everyone? Ever since I was a kid, I always wonder when I will be able to see the light. Even until now I'm still waiting for the light to shine away the darkness fr om my life. But a question pops into my mind: will the light going to show itself? Or will I be the demon who will never see the light in Hell?

I sincerely apologise for not updating this journal for a very long time. I was been SUPER busy with my assignments (even right now) and never had the chance to write this journal. Story will be postpone as usual and I truly hope I can get it done as soon as possible. In case you're wondering why I write "Beautiful Alone" as my title, go read the song's lyrics sang by Weiß kreuz and you'll understand.

Cheers,
Ryou Takehito